Monday, July 4, 2011

Fangs Rule A Girl's Guide to being a Vampire by Amy Mah (Vampire)

Summary of the book:

The book:  FANGS RULE a girl's guide to being a vampire ….  is a young Adult book for anyone between Puberty and Senility as it takes a close up look at life as a female teenage vampire in easy to follow A to Z advice for the reader.

Giving helpful advice such as how to explain to your Mom that as a teenage blood curdling denizen of the night you would like to paint your cave bedroom black without having a shouting match over why you don’t like the way she painted the stalagmites bright pink to go with the large stuffed pink bats hanging from the ceiling.

Everything is explained from how to polish your fangs to fashion tips and ways of climbing across a ceiling wearing a nightdress without showing your underwear.

Fangs Rule is a must for every teenage vampire and from these pages you will see why Amy says “Vampires Don’t Sparkle! …. They Bite!
Below is an Excerpt from the Book

BOYFRIENDS (also see DATING)
Boyfriends are boys that are not friends. Handsome, charming, caring, strong, sweet, cute, hot, fit... Er ………… the difference is obvious. If not then you are still too young for a boyfriend and should stick with your stuffed bats.
Meeting the boyfriend's parents for the first time is a problem, like what to wear and how to act. It's best to have some simple rules to follow.

1.      Don't talk about boys you have bitten or have bitten you          in the past.

2.      Don't tell risky stories like the first time you came on heat and what you tried to do with the head of the council     until guards pulled you off him and forced you to give back his pants. 
3.      Don't offer to raise your dress to show them your family brand at the dinner table. 
4.      Don't comment on the food, ever. Even if it is still alive and you have to catch it before it runs off, if you have to say anything just point out how you enjoy frisky fresh food.  
5.      Lastly, no matter how weird, strange, odd, peculiar and down right creepy his parents are or act, try very hard     not to point his out to him.  
Reasons:
A:     Strangely he has somehow failed to notice. 
B:      Or, he has noticed and is praying hard that you haven't. 
C:      Remember what your own are like. 
CLAW MAINTENANCE
Yes, I know our claws are naturally sharp but we should still use a block of wood as a scratching post so as to keep our fingers strong. I keep a few blocks of wood under the bed so that I can (as my Aunt calls it) "play the piano" while watching TV wildlife films. Some people say it's not ladylike to do this but my Aunt informs me that it is perfectly normal for a girl to play with herself in this way. But I do wish my Aunt would word it differently.     


Amy Mah can be found at http://amymahvampire.blogspot.com/ 

2 comments:

  1. It's a good book. BUy it and read it.You won't be sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi

    You did a very nice review on my last book Fangs Rule would you be interested in doing a feature or review on your blog for my new full novel: Amy Mah Vampire

    Please let me know if you are interested and remind me of what you need such as text and pictures, also your full postal address so that I can send you a copy for you to read and review:

    Amy VwV

    AMY MAH VAMPIRE

    Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers.
    They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few.
    Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire.
    At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots.
    Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper.
    To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. And as to guys, well, it was normal for a girl to dream about guys; she just wished the dreams could have involved chocolates and holding hands, not leaping out at someone, ripping off his shirt, and demanding to know what blood type he was (at least not on the first date).

    ReplyDelete